“We can never fully recover, no matter how long we stay clean.” Page 28.
Basic Text, p. 84. After getting a little time in the program, some of us begin to think we have been cured. We learned everything NA has to teach us; we grew bored with the meetings; and our sponsor keeps droning the same old refrain: “The steps – the steps – the steps!” We decide it is time to get on with our lives, cut way back on meetings, and try to make up for the years we have lost to active addiction. We do this, however, at the peril of our recovery.
Those of us who have relapsed after such an episode often try to go to as many meetings as we can, some of us go to a meeting every day for several years. It may take that long for us to understand that we will always be addicts. We may feel well some days and sick on other days, but we are addicts every day. At any time, we are subject to delusion, denial, rationalization, justification, insanity; all the hallmarks of the typical addict’s way of thinking. If we want to continue living and enjoying life without the use of drugs, we must practice an active program of recovery each day.
Just for Today: I am an addict every day, but today I have the choice to be a recovering addict. I will make that choice by practicing my program. – (c) 2016, NA World Services.
From Isolation to Connection
“Our Disease Isolated us… hostile, resentful, self-centered, and self-seeking, we cut ourselves off from the outside world.” Pg. 24.
Basic Text. p. 4. Addiction is an isolating disease, closing us off from society, family, and self. We hid. We lied. We scorned the lives we saw others living, surely beyond our grasp. Worst of all, we told ourselves there was nothing wrong with us, even though we knew we were desperately ill. Our connection with the world, and with reality itself, was severed. Our lives lost meaning, and we withdrew further and further from reality.
Isolation
The NA program is designed especially for people like us. It helps reconnect us to the life we were meant to live, drawing us out of our isolation. We stop lying to ourselves about our condition; we admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives. We develop faith that our lives can improve, that recovery is possible, and that happiness is not permanently beyond our grasp. We get honest; we stop hiding; we “show up and tell the truth,” no matter what. And as we do, we establish the ties that connect our individual lives to the larger life around us.
We addicts need not live lives of isolation. The Twelve Steps can restore our connection to life and living, if we work them.
Reconnect
Just for Today: I am a part of the life around me. I will practice my program to strengthen my connection to my world.
(c) 2016. NA World Services
So there is more going on here than helping out. Eventually we come upon our Step 12.
Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
This step prepares you to embrace all 12 steps as you continue your journey into a life of acceptance and understanding. It also encourages you to help others and to empower them as they discover the benefits of AA. – Recovery.org
Step 12 Prayer:
Dear God, Having had a spiritual experience, I must now remember that “faith without works is dead.” And Practical Experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. So, God, please help me to carry this message to other alcoholics! Provide me with the guidance and wisdom to talk with another alcoholic because I can help when no one else can. Help me secure his confidence and remember he is ill. – A.A. Big Book Page 89:1.
Faith Without Works is like a Submarine with a Screen Door
Basic Text, p. 16. Learning in recovery is hard work. The things we most need to know are often the hardest to learn. We study recovery to prepare ourselves for the experiences life will give us. As we listen to others share in meetings, we take mental notes we can refer to later. To be prepared, we study our notes and literature between “lessons.” Just as students have the opportunity to apply their knowledge during tests, so do we have the opportunity to apply our recovery during times of crisis.
As always, we have a choice in how we will approach life’s challenges. We can dread and avoid them as threats to our serenity or we can gratefully accept them as opportunities for growth. By confirming the principles we’ve learned in recovery, life’s challenges give us increased strength. Without such challenges, however, we could forget what we’ve learned and begin to stagnate. These are the opportunities that prod us to new spiritual awakenings.
We will find that there is often a period of rest after each crisis, giving us time to get accustomed to our new skills. Once we’ve reflected on our experience, we are called on to share our knowledge with someone who is studying what we’ve just learned. In the school of recovery, all of us are teachers as well as students.
Just for Today: I will be a student of recovery. I will welcome challenges, confident in what I have learned and eager to share it with others. – (c) 2016 NA World Services
Tim Minchin
School song
Matilda Musical
Spirit Young Performers
Lets Keep It Simple
A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob. The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, “Remember, Bill, let’s not louse this thing up. Let’s keep it simple!” I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him. – ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 214.
Forgiveness. “As we realize our need to be forgiven, we tend to be more forgiving. At least we know that we are no longer intentionally making life miserable for people.” Page 17.
Basic Text, pp. 39-40. In our addiction we often treated others badly, sometimes deliberately finding ways to make their lives miserable. In our recovery, we may still have a tendency to pass judgment on others’ actions because we think we know how that person should behave. But as we progress in our recovery we often find that, to accept ourselves, we must accept those around us.
Forgiveness
It may be difficult to watch as someone’s insanity manifests itself. But if we detach ourselves from the problem, we can start living in the solution. And if we feel affected by another’s actions, we can extend the principle of forgiveness.
Just for Today: I will strive to forgive rather than be forgiven. I will try to act in such a way that I feel worthy of self-love.
(c) 2016 NA World Services
The most important gift we can ever receive is God’s gift of His Son, our Savior, and with Him forgiveness, restoration, and the promise of spiritual life that begins now and lasts forever. The most important gift we can ever give is to give Jesus our heart. – Marion Stroud. Daily Bread. 12/23/2016.
You overwhelm me with Your gifts, Lord. In return, I want to give You the very best present that I can. Please show me what You want most from me.
Forgiveness
Matt West
It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those who don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When they pain they caused is just too real
Takes everything you have to say the word
Forgiveness, forgiveness.
“The trouble with us alcoholics was this: We demand that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get it, by the alcohol route. And we are not successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual rules, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. … There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.” – DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Psalm 128:2.
Happiness is Fulfillment, this is an overflowing and differs from trying to fill a void. Pastor Michael.
Happiness
NEEDTOBREATHE
I got a homesick heart but a long ways left to go
I’ve been doing my part but I ain’t got much to show
So I’m asking you to show me some forgiveness
It’s all for you in my pursuit of happiness
Chasing that life, moving on cause I had to prove
There ain’t no life worth doing what I did to you
So I’m asking you to show me some forgiveness,
It’s all for you in my pursuit of happiness.
Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 1 Recovery Prayer
Dear Lord,
I admit that I am powerless over my addiction.
I admit that my life is unmanageable when I try to control it.
Help me this day to understand
The true meaning of powerlessness.
Remove from me all denial of my addiction. Amen.
“I am so grateful the holidays are over and behind me.” Anon.
“Alcoholism is a Progressive Fatal Disease for which the Cure is to Stop Drinking.” Shirley.
Serenity Prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. – Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971).
The Story of twin brothers and their boxing careers.
Powerless – Rudimental
You held it all and I was by your side, powerless. I watched you fall … It’s really a sad story … .
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” Rom. 7:18.
Finding Freedom from Guilt through the Blood of Christ.
Just as I Am
Travis Cottrell
I come broken to be mended
I come wounded to be healed
I come desperate to be rescued
I come empty to be filled
I come guilty to be pardoned
By the blood of Christ the Lamb
And I’m welcomed with open arms
Praise God, just as I am.
Admitting powerlessness is absolutely essential to breaking the addiction cycle, which is made up of five points:
– Pain
– Reaching out to an addictive agent, such as work, food, sex, alcohol, or dependent relationships to salve our pain
– Temporary anesthesia
– Negative consequences
– Shame and guilt, which result in more pain or low self-esteem.
Understanding the addiction cycle is important because it helps explain why the admission of powerlessness is the first step to recovery. Otherwise, we remain caught. If we rely on willpower alone, then the only thing we know to do is to escalate our addiction to get out of the pain. Step 1 calls us to do less – to yield, to surrender, to let go. – Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 22-23.
Nine Signs You are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Similar to other types of abuse, emotional abusers tend to inflict harm over time. It can be easy to fall for an emotional abuser because, instead of being abusive right away, they will often present their most charming selves, then gradually become more abusive once trust has been built. Psychologist Leanne Donoghue-Tamplin tells The Cheat Sheet this process is referred to as grooming. – Cheat Sheet.
Know Eight Before Too Late
1. You Feel Bad about Yourself.
A loving, supportive relationship should make you feel good about yourself.
2. Your Partner Says Hurtful Things.
People who use words to wound may resort to outright verbal attacks.
3. Your Partner Lies Frequently.
Lying becomes second nature to emotional abusers. Their main concern is getting their way and staying in control.
4. Your Partner Controls the Relationship.
As the relationship progresses, you will feel like you have no say in what goes on (most likely because you do not). Your opinions are ignored or ridiculed. When it is time to make a major decision, you are not included.
5. Your Partner Screams at You.
An emotional abuser may try to assert authority through screaming. This is one of the ways he or she attempts to assume control. Once the relationship gets to this point, you may have become fearful of the abuse escalating.
Barrie Davenport, author of Signs of Emotional Abuse, says many survivors are so overcome by anxiety that they do nothing.
6. You are Criticized Constantly.
Those who verbally mistreat others may have been mistreated during their formative years. If they do not get professional help in timely manner, they often go on to communicate harshly with partners.
7. Your Partner Minimizes the Abusive Behavior.
If you get the courage to point out the bad behavior, your partner may offer excuses or minimize the severity of the behavior.
8. Your Partner is Manipulative.
An emotionally abusive partner will manipulate you in an attempt to get his or her way. You may be pressured to do things you do not want to do. The emotional abuser will try to make you feel guilty or get angry at you for resisting. He or she may also do or say things that cause you to question your perception of reality or your sanity. This is a technique called gas-lighting.
9. You Blame Yourself.
Donoghue-Tamplin says the self-blame is a result of being trained by the abuser to think they are bad or not valuable.
Risk factors for someone being emotionally abusive include: people who have difficulty identifying or communicating their feelings; people who have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions and tend to blame others for their problems; people with personality or mood disorders; people with a manipulative or sociopathic style; untreated victims of abuse; and people with addictions who are not getting help, seeking recovery, or addressing the consequences of their behavior. – Cheat Sheet. http://www.cheatsheet.com/health-fitness/signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship.html/
What Are Your Choices?
Pray for divine intervention. God wants you to have that which is best for you.
ALE™ Associate, Leave, Educate
Associate with a qualified independent competent mental health professional;
Leave the harmful relationship; or
Educate yourself about the harmful relationship you are in and what you may choose to do about it.
If you choose to stay in your relationship and feel that your issues can be worked out with the help of a mental health professional, one of the first things you will need to do is set boundaries for how you are treated by your partner.
If the behavior continues despite your best efforts, it is time to go.
1. We have not completely worked the previous principle.
– Perhaps we are trying to move through the principles too quickly. Slow down! Give God time to work! Remember, this program is a process.
– “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:25.
2. We have not completely surrendered our life and our will to the Lord.
– Perhaps we are trusting Jesus with the “big” things, but we still think we can handle the “small” things.
– “For good judgment and common sense, trust in the Lord completely; don’t ever trust in yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.” Proverbs 3:5-6.
3. We have not accepted Jesus’ work on the cross for our forgiveness.
– We may have forgiven others, but we think our sin is too big to be forgiven.
– “But if we confess our sins to him, he can be depended on to forgive us … from every wrong.” 1 John 1:9.
– “So overflowing is his kindness towards us that he took away all our sins through the blood of his Son, by whom we are saved.” Ephesians 1:7.
– Have you forgiven yourself?
– Remember, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1.
4. We really have not forgiven others who have harmed us.
– We must “let go of the pain of past harm and abuse. Until we are able to release it, forgive it, it will continue to hold us as its prisoner.
– “After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness through Christ, will give you his eternal glory. He personally will pick you up, and set firmly in place and make you stronger than ever.” 1 Peter 5:10-11.
5. We are afraid of the risk in making the necessary change.
– We may be paralyzed by the fear of failure. We may fear intimacy because of the fear of rejection or of being hurt again. We may resist change (growth) because of the fear of the unknown.
– “Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed … I will strengthen you; I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10.
– “That is why we can say without any doubt or fear, “The Lord is my Helper and I am not afraid of anything that mere man can do to me.” Hebrews 13:6.
6. We are not willing to “own” our responsibility.
– We need to take responsibility for our past in a broken relationship, a damaged friendship, with a distant child or parent, and so forth.
– “Examine me, O God, and know my mind; test me, and discover … if there is any evil in me and guide me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23.
7. We have not developed an effective support team.
– Do you have a sponsor or an accountability partner? Do you have the phone numbers of others in you small group? Have you volunteered for a commitment to your recovery ministry?
– “Be with wise men and become wise. Be with evil men and become evil.” Proverbs 13:20.
– “Dear brothers, you have been given freedom: not freedom to do wrong, but freedom to love and serve each another.” Galatians 5:13.
– “Share each other’s troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord’s command.” Galatians 6:2.
