The Fourth Step – Fearing Our Feelings
We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic. Page 279.
Basic Text, p.30. A common complaint about the Fourth Step is that it makes us painfully conscious of our defects of character. We may be tempted to falter in our program of recovery. Through surrender and acceptance, we can find the resources we need to keep working the steps.
It is not the awareness of our defects that causes the most agony, it is the defects themselves. When we were using, all we felt was the drugs; we could ignore the suffering our defects were causing us. Now that the drugs are gone, we feel that pain. Refusing to acknowledge the source of our anguish does not make it go away; denial protects the pain and makes it stronger. The Twelve Steps help us deal with the misery caused by our defects by dealing directly with the defects themselves.
If we hurt from the pain of our defects, we can remind ourselves of the nightmare of addiction, a nightmare from which we now awaken. We can recall the hope for release the Second Step gave us. We can again turn our will and our lives over, through the Third Step, to the care of the God of our understanding. Our Higher Power cares for us by giving us the help we need to work the rest of the Twelve Steps. We do not have to fear our feelings. Just for today, we can continue in our recovery.
Just for Today: I will not be afraid of my feelings. With the help of my Higher Power, I will continue in my recovery. – (c) 2018. NA World Services.
Step Two. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step Three. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Step Four. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
All my life
Been running from a pain in me
A feeling I don’t understand
Holding me down
So rain on me
All I am, getting harder
A heavy weight
I carry around
I don’t have to fall apart
I don’t have to be afraid
I don’t have to let the damage
My shadow see through me.